When I was younger, lubricants such as KY jelly never seemed like terribly sexy products. The cold squishy sensation was too reminiscent of doctors, stirrups, latex gloves and gynaecology, and the National Health
 graphics seemed to scream sexual dysfunction. But I realise now that I was wrong. Anyone who wants to cut out friction and improve their sexual relationship ought to explore the wonderful world of slip and slide. Soon.
 The fact that lubricant has recently reinvented itself as a must-have fashion accessory has assisted my conversion. The new lubes are part beauty product, part sex aid and part special interest (anal, flavoured, underwater). My personal favourites are Polished Talent - A Gentlemen's Relish from Coco de Mer (pounds 12), which is packaged like traditional men's aftershave but is actually best applied to parts other than the chin. Myla's MY Tumble Me Jelly (pounds 15) with aloe, lavender, ginkgo and ginseng is ideal for clitoral, vulval or perineal stimulation. But if you are on a tighter budget, opt for ordinary KY jelly (pounds 3.99). Like the Coco de Mer and Myla lubes, KY is water-based which means it is safe to use with condoms and less likely to irritate delicate genital tissue. Water-based lubes tend to dry up quickly and get a bit sticky, but they can be reactivated by adding water.
 Using commercial lubricants positively enhances sex if both parties are confident that the products are not being used as substitute for female desire. A woman's natural lubrication is an indication of her levels of arousal, but the amount of fluid produced can vary. Natural lubrication can be negatively affected by ill -health, medication, alcohol, smoking, fatigue, stress and decreased oestrogen levels during the menstrual cycle, childbirth, breastfeeding, menopause and old age. Sometimes natural lubrication does not descend beyond the vaginal canal, and it can dry out quickly when it is exposed to air so a woman can be wet one minute and dry the next (especially after orgasm).
 Doctors used to recommend commercial lubricants to women who had a problem with dryness; however, it gradually dawned on them that asking a woman who wasn't aroused to use lubricant was the sexual equivalent of strapping a flaccid penis to a splint as an aid to penetration. Lubricant enables penetration, but it is no substitute for genuine female arousal. If you are planning to have sex and your genitals feel very dry then it is quite likely that you need more manual or oral stimulation. Unfortunately, some women find that their partners are too impatient to wait. My friend has a boyfriend whose idea of foreplay is to spit on his fingers and rub it on to his penis before stabbing blindly at her vagina. Another friend admits that the only time her boyfriend ever goes down on her is when she is too dry for penetration. She only ever gets about 30 seconds because his focus is on making her wet, not making her happy and she feels so embarrassed by her "dryness" that she cannot bring herself to tell him that she resents his technique.
 That said, although commercial lubes are no substitute for real desire, they do take the pressure off women (and men). No matter what age you are, a squirt of the smooth stuff can transform clammy hands and dry genitals into better wetter sexual contact, and the sexy feel of lubricant being massaged on to your bits is often enough to get the natural juices flowing anyway.
 If people are embarrassed about the idea of using lube, they are even more embarrassed about anyone finding it. Despite the fact that luxury lubes have been packaged to look perfectly at home in the bathroom, the folks at Coco de Mer have created the perfect hiding place for their shyer customers: hollow secret compartments inside hardback books on incredibly tedious subjects. No one will ever open them - except you, of course.
Par pvccorsets le vendredi 05 août 2011


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